Confessions of a working mom

I have always been a working mom.  When we had our first son, there really wasn't any way that I could stay home.  So, we found a sitter, whom I loved AND was reasonable, and I packed my happy ass up and went back to teaching.

It was hard at first, but we fell into a rhythm.  Being a first time mom, I was a sleep nazi, stuck to routine, routine, routine.  And Boy 1 really needed that.

There were moments I was exhausted.  Ok, lots of them.  With a husband who travels, that was part of the deal.  He left me for four days when he was 2 weeks old.  I think he found me sucking my thumb and rocking in a corner after that.  He didn't do that again... for a while at least.

There were moments that I cried.  That early evening nap was the worst.  I'd get him home at 4:30, he'd nap til 5:45.  We'd eat and he'd be in bed at 6:30.  I was literally missing everything.  I would cry as I watched hin sleep.

But those moments were fleeting.  They didn't take long, at least they didn't in retrospect.

There came a moment where Hubby thought I could stay home.  I thought about it.  And then got REALLY nervous.  My heart started to race.  My palms were sweaty.

What would that look like???

I had no idea.  My mom was a working mom too.  I had no reference point. 

I said I would think about it.

I did think about it.  And then decided I would go find a part time job at a preschool, so Boy 1 could go too.  And I would have something to do.

Well, long story short, that ended up in my becoming a preschool and day care director. 

I guess I wasn't really interested in staying at home.

So now, three years back into teaching, and two years of day care later, I'm still working.

Because I want to.  I don't have to, really.  But I NEED to.

I'm a better mother because I work.

There.  I said it.

I'm not stay at home material friends.  I'm not made to have a carefree schedule.  When I don't, I'm a slug and don't get out of jammies for week.   I park my shiny hiny on the couch, watch tv and do nothing.  "I'll do it later, cause I have all this time."

yeah right.

You might say I put the "pro" in procrastination.  But it's true, I become a lifeless blob with no patience and no desire to do much.  I don't enjoy crafts.  I'm not a baker.  There's only so much kids tv I can handle before I start talking like I'm 5.  I say I'll go to the library, but I don't.  I do actually go to McD's.  I know, that's gross.

It's not pretty.

But when I work, I'm better.  I'm good.

I have to prioritize my time.  I have to plan ahead.  I have to make sure all appointments are made.  I make sure everything is ready the night before.  I'm able to juggle twelve things at once.  I even manage those "single" weeks fairly well.  We are a well oiled machine in the mornings and after school.

It works for me.  And for my kids.  And for my husband.  And I don't feel guilty.

I had SO many people ask my why I came back.  I was embarassed to tell them I needed to, not finacially, but mentally.  I mean, who wouldn't want to be with their own kids????

God bless those mommas who do this everyday and love it.  I'm kinda jealous of that.  But I also know that they might be jealous of me since I get to excape things every day for just a bit.

So, I'm gonna call it even.  I'll work, they won't.

And we'll all be happy.