Things I don't do for my kids

After spending some time in education, (over 15 years) and being a mom for a few (6) I've come to realize that I must be an awful parent. 

Here are some things that I just won't do for my kids.  I just don't think it's right.

1.  I won't let them watch tv all day.  I mean really.  I'm terrible. 

On a regular basis on the weekends I've been known to grab the remote, turn off the tube,  and shoo my boys out the door even if they're in their jammies.  I believe in using your brain for thinking, creating, playing.  And playing outside will be gone soon enough. 

So, I turn off the tv. 

Figure it out. 

2.  I don't make them a new dinner if they don't like what's served.  Nope.  This is one thing I vowed to do differently from my mother, (NOT that she isn't a wonderful mother, that's another day,)  But, I spent 7 years eating mac and cheese or bread and butter. 

And that's it.  And I was a bad eater because of it. 

Now, as a parent, I can see that I could avoid battles by making them whatever they wanted. 

I'm up the for the fight though.  By golly, you will eat what we eat. 

And if you don't, well, I'm sure you'll REALLY be ready for breakfast.

 *** OK, before you call CPS on me, please know I don't starve my children.  I do actually serve things they like.  Usually after days they don't like the meal.  It evens out. 

***And they're fine.

3.  I do not keep them from fighting.  That doesn't mean I love the fighting.  But I can't solve their problems for them.  I will not always be there. 

And what better way to learn that you can't beat someone with a car on their head because they said you had stinky feet.  Better to discover this in the privacy of your own home, rather than find the wrath of the neighborhood bully who is an expert at perma wedgies.  I'm sure it's a lot less painful. 

I also think it's important to learn how to fight and fight fair. 

I didn't know how when I got married.  Ten years later, I'm finally getting the hang of it. 

I wish I had known a LOT earlier.

4.  I don't pick them up every time they fall, or get hurt.  Please don't read that as I NEVER do that.  Of course I do.  But they also need to learn to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and try again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Alone.

I will cherish each tear I wipe away and every knee I kiss when I know they need it. 

But sometimes, you just have to do it alone.

5.  I don't fix their problems for them.  I don't swoop in and take care of everything.

 I don't even give them the answer. 

I'm always good for some questions, some thinking, some prodding.  But I can't fix everything. 

Even if I am Super Mom. 

My job is to raise Super Men, and those are made by creating problem solvers.

6.  I don't keep them from failing.  I may know that that is the most terrible idea they've ever had and there's no WAY that's gonna work honey. 

But with failure, comes experience. 

And out of experience, expertise. 

Without a failure, how will they know what success really feels like?  I don't want them to miss that euphoria of getting it right.

 Finally.

7.  I do not give in to tears and tantrums.  I'm a hard old bat. 

And it really sucks for them that I'm a teacher.  I've pretty much seen it all. 

And... it ain't happenin'. 

I will not pay attention to their lip that is hanging out over their shoes.  I will not let them walk with their shoulders slouched, they willstand straight and tall.  (ever tried to pout with a straight back and your head up?  try it.  I dare you.)

 I will listen to them speak to me and talk with me.  I will pay attention when they act like a human. 

Because they are humans. 

And so am I.

8.  I don't allow the rolling of the eyes or other forms of disrespect.  We use "please", and "thank you", and "yes ma'am" and "no sir." 

I won't allow them to question authority, until it's time. 

I'm not going to allow them to use "that" tone of voice with me. 

To quote the great Bill Cosby, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it." 

quickly.


9.  I do not forget to tell them, "I'm proud of you."  Even if it's for something little. 

Those words hold a child's spirit, and I'm not going to let them forget how great they are. 

Because they're mine. 

Because they figured it out. 

Because they tried. 

Because they failed. 

Because they are.



10.  I don't go a day, or sometimes even hours, without saying...

I love you.

Because I do. 

Because they are my world.

They are heart.

And I love them.

Forever.

My life in 120 minutes or less

For a girl's weekend last spring, our resident Martha Stuart of the bunch suggest we all make a CD of songs that have something to do with our lives.  We could choose anything we wanted, but we could only make one CD.

I thought she was crazy.

There was no way that I could come up with a whole CD of music.  Funny, when it came down to it, I had a hard time limiting it to one. 

Here's my list of songs:

1.  More Than a Feeling:  Boston

This song is the ultimate driving song.  Turn it up, put your windows down, hit the highway... and sing.  I even smile typing this, this song makes my heart happy.

2.  (Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection:  Nelson.

That's right.  I just put a Nelson song in my list.  This is actually a new addition.  This song takes me directly to freshman year in high school.  My two closest friends and I went to a lake house owned by my friend's grandparents.  The three girls slept outside, ON THE DOCK, in the dark, with a tape player and a radio.  We listened to this song for hours.  We sang.  We told secrets.  We laughed.  We didn't sleep.  I think back on this now and realize what a different time that was.  Three girls sleeping on the dock by the water in the middle of the night by ourselves.  Even as an adult I wouln't do this now.  Sad thing is, we couldn't do this now.

3.  Suspicous Minds:  Elvis

I know, from Nelson to Elvis.  This is my life, not yours.  So there.  My parents, mainly Daddy, were big music buffs, but huge Elvis fans.  We used to have a wood paneled office with wall shelving.  One whole side was dedicated to Elvis.  Dad would play his reel to reel in the living room and I'd dance my little heart out.  I know every word to almost every song.  The fact that my husband sings this song on karoke sealed the deal.  It's on the list.

4.  Superstar: The Carpenters

Another group introduced to me by my dad.  I know all the words to this album too.  But it's true emotional tie comes from my early dating life with the Biggest Boy.  Our early days were long distance.  We were about 1.5 hours apart.  On his weekends without the kids, we hang with his best friends at their condo.  We drank, a lot.  We played movie trivia.  We sang to the Carpenters.  Loudly.

5.  Closer To Fine:  Indigo Girls

Little known secret, I used to sing.  Ok yeah, on the dock and to the Carpenters don't count.  I actually used to sing in my high school's Madrigal Choir.  We sang traditional madrigal songs and just about everything else we could.  My school besties and I love tight harmony and we sang Indigo Girls on every road trip.  And no, I will not sing for you now.

6.  Black:  Pearl Jam

My first love.  The early nineties.  The onset of the grundge bands.  Nervana and Pearl Jam leading the pack.  This song is one I could play for hours on repeat. 

7.  Hazy Shade of Winter:  The Bangles

The 80's.  Middle School.  Big hair.  Floral Dresses.  Shoulder pads.  This song made me realize I might be a sercret hard rock junkie.

8.  Talking In Your Sleep:  The Romantics

By far the best roller skating song.  ever.

9.  Sweet Child 'O Mine:  Guns and Roses

See?  Here's that rock band thing again.  And electric guitar.  The first bars of this song are meant to be played LOUD.  Which I do.

10.  In Your Eyes:  Peter Gabriel

This song has so many memories tied to it that they all blend together.  But this is another driving song for me, sun roof back, volume up, sing.

11.  Supermassive Black Hole:  Muse

If you are a Twilight fan, you know this song.  And while it sounds crazy, because of this song, those movies and those books, I have a set of the best girlfriends I could ever have.

12.  Lightning Crashes:  Live

This song is heavy.  I lived in Oklahoma at the time of the OKC bombing.  I was in college at OSU.  I walked into my Art History class to hear that some bomb had gone off.  She told us to go home.  We spent the next 5 days watching the news feed and the live coverage hoping to find survivors.  A radio station in OKC made a mix of this song and news clips to play over it.  This was the first world event that I remember that ripped me to my core.  Unfortunately, there were many more to come.

13.  You Keep Me Hangin' On:  Diana Ross and the Supremes

This song is a complement to Elvis.  This time, it's an 8 track in my parents' 1977 light blue Lincoln Town car that I could literally lay down straight in the back seat without touching either end.  Truly a boat.

14.  The Promise:  When In Rome

This is the first song my husband played for me.  In his little red celica on the road.  One of the first moments I actually thought, "I kinda like this guy."

15.  She's Got a Way:  Billy Joel

The first song that was ever dedicated to me.  It's from my daddy.

16.  Jive Talkin':  Bee Gees

My great aunt, all of 4' 11" tall drove a 1978 light blue Fire Bird camero.  It was complete with the huge Fire Bird decal and the pillow for her to sit on to see over the steering wheel.  I thought I was so cool riding in that car.  She LOVED the Bee Gees.  Therefore, I love the Bee Gees.

17.  Don't Stop Believin' : Journey

Another rock song.  Played loudly.

18.  Dream Big:  Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band

This is for my step daughter.  She moved in with us when she was 14.  Yes, I said 14.  So, as a newly wed of six months, I was already experiencing parenting a high schooler.  It seemed like forever at the time, until it was time she graduated.  For her senior video in drill team we had to find songs for her part.  I stumbled upon this song and fell in love.  And I cried.  "When you dream, dream big.  As big as the ocean blue.  When you dream it might come true.  When you dream, dream big."

19.  Let Your Light Shine:  Keb Mo'

The final song.  My song for you.  "Step on up, step into your greatness...  Let your light shine...  "

So there it is, my life in 118 minutes and 44 seconds.

How about you?

Happy Sunday...

Where's my pause button?

Raising kids, especially boys, has not always been what I expected it to be.  When you imagine your children, you don't ever think that you would actually dislike them at times, much less, just need a break, away, for a month.  I mean, that would mean I'm a bad mom, right?  And I'm an early childhood education major so I just LOVE kids, right???

Well, I do love my kids.  So much it hurts.  But that doesn't mean they don't drive me bananas.  Or frustrate the heck out of me.  Or make me consider sending them to a boarding school at the ripe old age of say... 2?

As Boy 1 is now approaching six and a half, and Boy 2 is getting to be three and a half, I realize now that I need a pause button.  Fast.

After all the tears and laundry and frustration of potty torture training, whatever magic button finally clicked.  It appears that Boy 2 is finally potty trained.  (this comment made possible by inflation of potty treats to 5 m and ms per poop.  It's expensive!)  Within a week of our being day trained comes the letter from school that Boy 2 has been.. PROMOTED.  To the preschool class.  The big boy class.  The class that no longer provides daily sheets as to what potty I did when and how much I ate for lunch and how long I slept and what I did every waking minute of my day.  Now, I have nothing.  what?????

Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed at his being trained.  I mean REALLY overjoyed.  But another milestone means he's getting older.  And farther away from my baby angel.  I didn't realize how much I liked the daily sheet until I didn't get one.  I'm sure there were some days I didn't even look at those things.  But now, it's just one less thing I don't know about my boy.  And that means I'm missing something.  And I don't like it.

Boy 1.  He's 6.  6!!!  Has a loose tooth.  Learning to read.  Learning, still, how to get along with others.  Learning, learning, learning.  At lightning speed.  I can't spell things to my husband any more cause he can figure it out.  He knows when I'm talking about him to someone on the phone and can figure out my code.  He has a mind of his own.  He can now walk into a new place and no longer need one last hug or kiss before he starts his day.  He's independent.  And he's tall.  And he looks like a real boy now, and not an old toddler.  And when he gets a haircut, he looks like a second grader.

I have realized lately that I'm sure I didn't take advantage of every moment that I could have, should have.  In those moments of boading school contemplation I never thought that I would regret being away from them.  Or worry that I didn't read every night to them.  Or hug them and kiss them every second of every day.

At this moment, today, the boys are in great "stages", at the same time.  And that's rare.  More often than not, one will be "in a stage" resembling a demonic imp while the other's halo is lined with diamonds.  For now, they are both nothing less than perfect.  And I'm enjoying it.  Every minute.  Even at this very moment as they are wrestling upstairs and it sounds as if my house my fall down among their laughter.  I will love it.

I touch Boy 2's cheeks every day because there will be a day when I do, and it's no longer that baby soft skin of a toddler.  I hold Boy 1's hand at every moment I can because there will be a time that he no longer grabs it as we're leaving school together.  I read to them every night because there will be a point they won't need me to do that.

And I tell them every day that I love them.  And I'm proud of them.

I know this moment will pass.  Maybe even tomorrow.  And then I'll be back to wanting to trade in my children for new models.  My friend and I regularly consider ebay.  They sell everything there, right?

So, if I could just pause these few moment til I could get my fill, I would love that.  But for now, I'm living it ninety to nothing...

Enjoy your Saturday :)

Ten things I never thought I'd say...

I'm positive I never thought I would say these things.  But I'm a mom now.  Of two boys.  And well, sometimes...

ya just can't script it.

1.  Please do not put stickers on the dog.

I mean this is self explanitory right?  Well, of course there is the slight detail of the GINORMOUS sticker book that we recieved for Christmas.  I mean, stickers go everywhere right?  And I'm sharing, like you told me to MOM.

2.  Boy 1, why is your brand new tube of toothpaste empty?...You put it WHERE?

This has a perfectly logical explanation too.  You see, there's this little space between the top of our BUNK bed, in the air, and the wall.  And that space goes down to the carpet.  And apparently, it looks cool while you squish the tube and it squirts down the wall.

WHO KNEW?

3.  You used the entire can of fish food to make "ink" on the carpet???

Nope.  Nothing logical here.  Just a little fish food, some water, some mushing... one nice, odiferous, red spot on the carpet.  That's supposed to be ink.  And I don't know why it's ink.

4.  Oh!  Dear cherub, you may NOT be on the table and swing the chandelier.

If you are laughing you're fired.

But yes, it happened.  And no one was harmed in the making of this visual.  Thank the LORD.

5.  You may not shoot at me.  You are not a transformer.  Your hands are not guns.  I am not a Decepticon.  Please be on your way.

If I see another Transformer anything, I will lose my mind.

(unless of course I need it for entertainment.  then it's all ok.)

6.  No honey, you may not have tape to tape your pee pee down.  It'll stop doing that... sometime.  I think.

HAHAHA.  He's a boy, what do you expect?????

7.  No honey, I don't actually know what color electricity is... or how it works... or how it gets out of the plug.  But please don't try to figure that out.  K?  k.

Yes, you could accuse me of being an intellect and curiosity squasher.  But it was 6 in the morning.  What would you have done?

8.  No dear friend, we do not sit on each other.  or maul each other.  or roll around on the floor like alligators. 

I actually hear that this is normal.  My only-child self thinks that's bunk.

9.  No, I am not going to hold your pee pee while you go potty.  And I'm not going to hold it down while you're sitting either.

I mean really?  This boy plumbing is crazy.

Ok, here it is... number 10.

10.  BECAUSE I SAID SO.

I swore on everything holy growing up that I would never use this phrase with my kids.  I was going to be a great mom who explained everything and had the patience of Job.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Sometimes, that's just the only reason I have.  And by golly, it's enough.

:)

Runstreak: Proving that I'm crazy

I have seen this runstreak thing on and off and thought all these fools were bananas crazy.

They are.  Don't get me wrong. I mean, who would really run one mile a day.  Really.

Well apparently me.

See, I had mentioned in my goal setting post I wanted to get back into running.  After seeing that there really ARE lots of crazy fools out there, why not join them?

and I had NO excuse not to.

Last Saturday I started and tried to see how far I could go.  1.55 miles, sucking air, lots of walking.  Very disappointing.  But I gave myself a little slack.  I hadn't run outside in months.

I kept at it all week, at least one mile a day.  One day, I got to my mile on the treadmill and I was like, "already????"

Surely that wasn't me talking.

So, after the first 7 days I have officially logged 9.03 miles.  I did.  No, really.  I did.

Today I got the wild hair to run 3.2, or 5k.

Ok, that wasn't very smart, but I did it.  Oh there was walking.  But mostly running.  So that puts me over 12 miles in 8 days.

That's CRAZY.

So I'm in it for at least 30 days and I'm really enjoying it, thank the Lord.  I really needed something to get my off my spreading butt. ;)

How was your Saturday??

Goal Keeping: No, not the soccer kind

First of all, I know this is minor milestone but I noticed today that I have broken the 300 pageviews mark for the blog.  I find this fascinating!   People must be SO bored!   (of course half of them are probably me, but still.)

So, checking back in on my goals...

1.  Drink more water:  Check!  This last week, ALL week, I limited myself to one soda a day (ok, Friday was a bit of a fudge, but it was one drink. Size shouldn't really matter should it?)  And the rest of the day water!  And, unfortunately, due to random tummy bug, I had wine only three days this week, instead of my usual 10 days a week habit. 

Ok, that was kind of a bummer.

2.  Start running:  Check!  Did it today!  However, it was ugly.

Very ugly.

I had  no idea how quickly I would lose any ability to run.  Don't forget I ran my first 5k just last June.  And I even bought myself this cute little prize for finishing.

Now I can run with my iPhone instead of having to bring all my other junk with me.  It really is quite handy.

Yesterday my lovely hubby and decided to join the online phenomenon of #runstreak.  Basically, we agree to run one mile a day for as long as we decide.  Our first goal is Jan. 31st. 

And then I SHOOK on it.

I must have had a lapse in judgement.

So, I figured I'd track my progress here.  Cause I know you're ALL interested :)

I ran the race in June with some badass hills (one I have affectionally named the Hill of Death) in 38 minutes.  (and yes, I had to walk some)  This was by far the fastest time of my training, but I hadn't really run outdoors at that point.  Treadmills are bad like that.  I had no idea how fast I could really run.  :)  And of course add adreniline etc and there ya go. 

Well today, here are my stats:

1.55 miles
21:45 minutes
14:01 average mile.

SUCK.

2 whole minutes of my June pace.  yipes.

Did I mention the little middle school cross country team that was running the same course I was?  6th graders.

They LAPPED ME.  TWICE.

OMG.

So, lots of work to go here.  But I do feel good.  Now that it's over. 

On to the other goals:

3.  Photography:  Check.  See previous post :)

4.  Make more memories:  Check!  Last night we actually went OUT for pizza.  And it was so yummy!

I even caved and let Boy 1 have crazy color ice cream that was chock full of artifial colors and flavors.

And Boy 2?  Well, he's pretty much always happy.

BYOB doesn't hurt either :)

5.  Be present:  See above.

Hope you had a great Saturday.

MWAH.

Death and dying: why is sucks...

I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what I signed up for.

Then again, I don't remember signing up....

but I'm still pissed.

I know that when I got married and pledged my life forever that this wasn't a factor.  But is it really in anybody's mind?

The total  dependence on another.

The being fed by someone.

The shitting in my pants, and having to wait for someone to change it.

The anxiety where I wake up and don't know anyone and I feel like I'm suspended in air, or constantly falling, or forgetting who all these people  are and why are they ignoring my fears.

or am I the one I that will take care of this?

  Will my soul mate forget my face?




No.  This is not what I imagined.

I hope to God no one else has to go through this.

Today was a bad day.  Can you tell?




It was one of those days that sneak up on you.  You manage to tell everyone that you're fine, you're managing, you crack a joke

And then your husband thinks your dinner is less than spectacular and you fall apart like someone is literally unraveling you as you stand there.  It's unnerving.  really.

My husband asked me how my cousin handled this when her mom passed.  She had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

My answer?

22 fucking days.  That's all she had.  It was over.

Us?  months.  Possibly more.  No apparent end. 

This week's events have included some stellar days.  Daddy even was able to call some old friends on the phone and chat like old times.  So reassuring.

And then...

Yesterday when I call and he's swearing at mom cause he's hanging from the ceiling and she won't let him down.  and he really feels that way.  Today, he called her his brother's name all day.

And I'm still pissed.

It's not supposed to be like this,.  We're not supposed to suffer.  We shouldn't have to watch this.

Today is a day where I question.  I don't know what we should do.  Do we treat or let him die?    Is he really suffering?  Will he remember?

Will God forgive me?





Overwhelming on a Wendesday.  To be sure.  No answers today.  Just sadness.  And tears.  And aching.

Ready for it to be over. 

I think...

A little photography

I tried a couple of things with the camera today.

Hope you like.

Potty Training: God's Joke on Mothers

Let me start by saying, I'm not the most wonderful, fabulous, no mistake making parent.  I've made plenty of them.  Bad ones.  And then, yes, I've had moments of brillliance.

That's how I roll.

But this potty torture training stuff is for the birds.  See, birds just poop wherever they want.  And no one cares.  That's the attitude of Boy 2 at the moment.  And it's killing me.

Here's Boy 1.  The analytical.  The thinker.  The builder.  The so serious I follow the rules to the letter cause I only have black and white and grey is unknown to me.

See, he can't even really smile on the first day of Kindergarten. :)

Here's Boy 2.  The silly.  The outgoing.  The crazy.  The I'll do whatever the heck I want, thank you, because I'm so cute and I know this because even strangers tell me how cute I am. 

He runs the daycare.  Everyone knows him... and probably lets him get away with nothing short of criminal mischief.

So, back to the torture training.

See Boy 1 was easy.  It went something like this.

"Ok, buddy, now it's time to pee pee and poo poo in the potty."

"Why?" (cause we have to have a reason for everything.)

"Cause that's where it goes."

"Ok."


done.




Ok, well maybe not QUITE that easy, but it was easy.  I don't remember wanting to kill him.

Boy 2.... well.  Let's say it hasn't gone that way.

Here's our DAILY conversation:

"Ok little man.  What are we going to do today?"

"pee pee and poo poo in THE POTTY!!!!!"  (read with gusto.)

"That's right!  And if you go, I'll give you m and ms, or skittles, or lobster dinner,  just GO!!!!!"

"OK!"

So we get in undies and make it through the morning.  Pee pee is easy apparently.  I know he has to poop after lunch.  He's got clockwork bowels thank you.

We sit on the potty.

I encourage, I play, I sing, I do a dance.

"I not have to go today.  I'll go tomorrow."

*blank*

"No baby, you need to go today." 

"No, it not working.  I go tomorrow."

Off he goes.  And he doesn't go all day.

First thing out of bed this morning, poop in the pull up.  REALLY????  and then he says....

"It's ok mommy, I not mean to."

*bang head*

Yes I know, he won't go to college in diapers, nor kindergarten either.  He's a late August birthday and I'll hold him back a year.  (his teachers and future wife will love me.)    But still, this has gone on for months!!!!  I'm actually quite tired of the laundry, the additional laundry, that toilet torture  training adds.  I'm just tired. 

I want to go grocery shopping without visiting the toilet six times.  I'd actually, just like to go grocery shopping, by myself, but I digress.

I want to be able to go through an hour without remembering to ask if he's been to the potty.

I don't want to carry a diaper bag any more.

*sigh*

So... we will continue on I guess.  And I'm sure that the minute he's trained I'll miss it, but for now, not so much.

Til next time :)