Ten things I never thought I'd say...

I'm positive I never thought I would say these things.  But I'm a mom now.  Of two boys.  And well, sometimes...

ya just can't script it.

1.  Please do not put stickers on the dog.

I mean this is self explanitory right?  Well, of course there is the slight detail of the GINORMOUS sticker book that we recieved for Christmas.  I mean, stickers go everywhere right?  And I'm sharing, like you told me to MOM.

2.  Boy 1, why is your brand new tube of toothpaste empty?...You put it WHERE?

This has a perfectly logical explanation too.  You see, there's this little space between the top of our BUNK bed, in the air, and the wall.  And that space goes down to the carpet.  And apparently, it looks cool while you squish the tube and it squirts down the wall.

WHO KNEW?

3.  You used the entire can of fish food to make "ink" on the carpet???

Nope.  Nothing logical here.  Just a little fish food, some water, some mushing... one nice, odiferous, red spot on the carpet.  That's supposed to be ink.  And I don't know why it's ink.

4.  Oh!  Dear cherub, you may NOT be on the table and swing the chandelier.

If you are laughing you're fired.

But yes, it happened.  And no one was harmed in the making of this visual.  Thank the LORD.

5.  You may not shoot at me.  You are not a transformer.  Your hands are not guns.  I am not a Decepticon.  Please be on your way.

If I see another Transformer anything, I will lose my mind.

(unless of course I need it for entertainment.  then it's all ok.)

6.  No honey, you may not have tape to tape your pee pee down.  It'll stop doing that... sometime.  I think.

HAHAHA.  He's a boy, what do you expect?????

7.  No honey, I don't actually know what color electricity is... or how it works... or how it gets out of the plug.  But please don't try to figure that out.  K?  k.

Yes, you could accuse me of being an intellect and curiosity squasher.  But it was 6 in the morning.  What would you have done?

8.  No dear friend, we do not sit on each other.  or maul each other.  or roll around on the floor like alligators. 

I actually hear that this is normal.  My only-child self thinks that's bunk.

9.  No, I am not going to hold your pee pee while you go potty.  And I'm not going to hold it down while you're sitting either.

I mean really?  This boy plumbing is crazy.

Ok, here it is... number 10.

10.  BECAUSE I SAID SO.

I swore on everything holy growing up that I would never use this phrase with my kids.  I was going to be a great mom who explained everything and had the patience of Job.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Sometimes, that's just the only reason I have.  And by golly, it's enough.

:)